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Best Hold Music Ever from an Olkd SKool Japanese Hotel...

Best Hold Music Ever

AMERICAN NINJA WARRIOR...

I am hosting this shindig... and it is going to be epic. It starts December 8th on G4.

Video Game - E3 2011

 

 

Vacation is over...

Yes, I had almost 2 whole weeks off for the first time in about 4 years and I loved it.  I forgot the simple joy of doing nothing.  Well, I slept.  I mean I slept hard.  I slept so hard, I'd wake up like Kyle Reese: kinda sweaty, uncertain of the year and convinced that I had to battle a cyborg for the fate of humanity (that's a Terminator reference for those who are weak in the 80s and if you're weak in the 80s, why are you here?  Seriously, go get in a time machine and go back to 1981 and bask in the World's last golden era).

Anyway, vacation is over as I returned to a life of fighting Clutter this week.  I needed the break after going toe to toe with the Messiest Home in the Country (spoiler alert: I kicked its ass by smashing it in a hydraulic press as its cold robotic arm reached for my throat and I said, "You're terminated, clutter."  (See above reference))

But I do have a souvenir from my fortnight of languid indolence... a beard.  No, not a beard in the sense of Katie Holmes, just a regular, ol scruffy testament to the lack of grooming that occurs when I truly relax.  So here it is, my last reminder of a simpler time without alarm clocks or purpose:

 

The beard has also come in handy as I've been playing some Red Dead Redemption lately.   I feel like Clint Eastwood on my couch. 

My Cyberbabe and I have a Tiff

Okay, this really isn't appropriate, so consider yourself warned. I caved to the Couture ads and went to the website to check out the Tower 200. The site wouldn't let me leave because 'Grace' popped up to chat. Here is our exchange:

Grace Says:Hey Wait!! Before you go I have been authorised to give you a FREE straight bar with your purchase of Tower 200!! CLICK HERE to claim your free gift now!!
You:Okay.

Grace Says:OK
You: I just said that, Grace.

Grace Says:So if you would like to sign up now with this great offer just CLICK HERE
You: Well, what's the offer?

Grace Says:If you’re ready to get crazy, try out the Mother of All Workouts with our 11-minute body shredding routine, featuring Randy Couture’s MMA-inspired moves like The Warrior, The Demon, and The Freak! Simply CLICK HERE.
You:Huh? I'm definitely ready to get crazy but that's not really an offer. You're being kinda cryptic, Grace.

Grace Says:In just seconds, the Tower 200 fits on any door in the house, office, or dorm. Plus it’s padded so there’s no messing up your door.
You:Whoa, you sound like a commercial, Grace. Let's just chat like regular people and you tell me the offer, okay?

Grace Says:Tower 200 gives you 200 lbs. of explosive resistance delivered through our multi-tension power cords, and over 200 exercises that push your muscles to the max.
You:I don't think you're even listening to me. Such a typical girl, Grace.

Grace Says:Yes, that's me Grace...
You: Yeah, we've established that. Now you just sound drunk.

Grace Says:So would you like to check out my last minute offer?
You:Does that offer include a hand job?

Grace Says:In just seconds, the Tower 200 fits on any door in the house, office, or dorm. Plus it’s padded so there’s no messing up your door.
You: I take it that's a no. Wait... no messing up the door? Is that a euphemism??? Grace, you minx! I will take your special offer!!!

You: Hello? Grace??? Where'd you go? Damn.

A Classic Adventure tale by Me

My Mom pulled out a story I wrote at an indeterminate age (I'm hoping young): "My grandpa and I went fishing.  We stopped in the middle of a fight between a whale and a squid.  The whale was biting the squid's arm.  The whale was getting so mad he shot off his water and almost hit over the boat.  My Grandpa threw his knife and aimed at his spout.  He got the spout."  Apparently, my Grandpa was a bad ass.