Welcome to my world.

Cassandra the oracle?

Some people believe Cassandra foretold the future... but Snoop Dogg is my oracle.. and he foresaw "chronic pimpin'." His words... Sorry, GP, but he was definitely talking to me.

Check me out at Dodger Stadium...

Someone had to lay down the law at Chavez Ravine to keep those Dodger fan's in line... that someone is me.

Matt Iseman's Code of Conduct at Dodger Stadium

Hanging in DC

Thanks to Redskins Kickoff team for having me on the show last night.  Sorry about the loss.  Now I'm getting ready for the show tonight at the Arlington Drafthouse.  Yes, I will have a draft tonight.

And for those who are wondering what I'll be doing later this month, check this out:

Shaq, Tyson and Snake Plisskat

Today, I hung with Mike Tyson. Good dude but he wouldn't tell me the secret to beating him on Punch Out. He did hug me, though. It was tender.  Almost as tender as the kiss I got from Shaq a few days ago.  You'll see that on tomorrow's Sports Soup.

In the meantime, neighbors are now flinging stray cats at my door as they know I am running some sort of kitty flop house.  The latest addition came with an eye sealed shut with goo.  I passed on Popeye or Sandy Duncan and went with the coolest one-eyed dude of all time, Snake Plisskat.

My life story...

For those who are curious, I am being profiled as the cover story in an online magazine called Inspire...  so check it out!

The Goto Guy... Unmasked!

Sports Soup at the ESPYs

I was on the red carpet for the big event and had stars fighting to talk to me... like Mike Tyson, Shawne Merriman, Gina Carrano, and Tiger Woods (I turned him down ;).

I am THOR!

Clean House is great, not just because we help families in clutter, but because I get to live out childhood fantasies...

I return to Clean House TONIGHT

Matt makes his triumphant return to Clean House TONIGHT at 9pm for the Messiest Home in the Country! It's mayhem and foolishness like we've never seen.

I am NOT leaving Clean House

I appreciate all the messages of concern after tonight's episode, but, fear not, I am still on the Clean House crew. While Niecy, Mark and Trish were on the road searching for the Messiest Home in the Country, I was in LA shooting Sports Soup and local Clean House episodes with Lisa Arch and some new folks I think you'll like.

Yes, I did make it to the actual Messiest Home in the Country and, yes, it blew me away. Truly the most clutter I have ever seen. And Niecy, Mark, Trish and I are all back together in LA. In fact, we just cleaned Niecy's house.

This is Clean House's way of getting you as much mayhem and foolishness as you can handle. So thanks for watching the show!

Upcoming Tour Dates

Between Sports Soup and Clean House, there's not much time left for hitting the road with stand up comedy.  So when I do go out, I usually try to make it pretty exotic.  Therefore, I'm thrilled to announce I will be headlining clubs in Denver (my hometown) and Cleveland.  It doesn't get more outrageous than that.

Cleveland

Hilarities June 11-14

Denver

Comedy Works South July 23-26

Be there!